I find myself in very new territory at the moment, it is not only unfamiliar and so a bit uncomfortable but also challenging and a bit scary. I find I am second guessing myself and have no confidence in my actions and perhaps even my feelings too. So questioning everything and knowing nothing. Hard to know quite where to go and what to do with it all…
For the most part I love being a mum, and I think I would have said I have done/ or am doing quite a good job- I think I am fairly self aware and am switched on to current life issues. But I find raising teenagers almost impossible- I didn’t struggle with babies and sleeping or toddlers and tantrums or primary aged and leaving anxiety or any other stage – but teens…seems to challenge me beyond belief! My only reference is my own experience of being a teen, and I do remember resisting and rebelling at every opportunity and thinking my parents had nothing they could offer me of any value at all- so I try to remember that when I am in a battle of wills with my teen. I also think about specifics that caused catastrophic arguments 30+ years ago- and I now am able to eat well, keep a clean and tidy house, maintain a job and stick to deadlines etc… So, doing that seems to de-importantise the things my teen and I lock horns about- BUT- does that mean I let all those things go and trust age naturally takes care of it- or was it because of the wrestling that I can achieve those things now.
For me, I can be light touch on room cleaning or helping out around the house, especially if I see school work being done and levels of achievement matching ability- but it grates when I am busy and playstation takes priority in the other room. What I can’t figure out is why it annoys me so much- is it the playstation- I’m sure if the time was being spend doing something I thought was of value, my reaction would be less intense.
Do I need help- NO- would I like it to be offered- YES- I’d like to see those values of kindness and selflessness being showed. Is that unrealistic for a teen? possibly!
The thing I can’t cope with is being lied to about things- this is like a red flag to a bull for me. And I don’t know why it triggers me so much, and hits me so personally but it does- and at these moments all my adult, controlled, self-aware parenting seems to rush out of the window and I am left irate and irrational. Did I lie to my parents- sure. Did I hate them- not all the time. Do I now- nope. Do I know why I did- or was it necessary- not really, it just seemed easier and unimportant somehow.
So- today, after a great big deep intake of breath, and 24 hours of the silent treatment from my teen, it is time for me to be the adult again. I love being a parent, I remember being a teen. This time shall pass and all things will come into perspective in time. What is important is being present for the now, being consistent, being honest and open but most of all being loving and forgiving.